Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Tutorial Tuesday: Do It Tapper Style!

In my constant quest to keep it lively around here I decided to be cutesy and have a theme day.
But I can't pull off cutesy very well so this should be fun.
I was making meatballs yesterday in mass quantities (sale on lean beef) and it occurred to me that instead of showing anyone how to do something (that would be highly entertaining) I could, instead, show you how I do it.
This will serve two purposes:
1. You will feel so much better about the way you do things (ego boosters are good)
2. I can shed the pressure of perfection (ha - that isn't really a concern, by the way) and show everyone how it actually works around here.

So lets get started. Tapper makes meatballs- take one!
First I gather all of my ingredients. Inevitably something is missing, so I just grab at random and amass to the best of my ability.
Second I look down at my hands, take a deep breath and give my ten fingers a pep talk.

This is going to be gross, guys. You are going to have squish.
We'll start with the raw meat, but then I will add raw egg. Hey, ring finger, keep your knuckle up. You can do this. We're going in as a team. We go in together. We rough it up and we all come out together. Now it's gonna be dirty and cold. Keep your wits about you and just do your job.

After my inspirational words I throw everything into the bowl and start squishing. It is mind over grossness at this point. I would give you the recipe but I am Tapper and a recipe would be too normal. The artist gave me measuring cups for Christmas (hint, hint), but I just call them big scoop, little scoop and glop. I put in a couple big scoops of oatmeal, a little scoop of chopped onions and seasonings, and a glop of seasoned bread crumbs. It's an adventure that way.
(Cowgirl, nice job on taking this picture. You caught the oatmeal mid-flight. I'm impressed)

I can make the exact same meal three times and we refer to it like this:
Well, I like this Parmesan crusted chicken with chive sauce better than last weeks Parmesan crusted chicken with chive sauce, but not quite as much as the first time you made Parmesan crusted chicken with chive sauce. It spices things up to never know what you are going to get.

My sis, Jungle Jane, wanted me to show her how to make frozen hot chocolate because I do have the skills when it comes to that beverage. But as she watched her eyes grew wider, then panicked, then she chuckled, and then just let the laughter go. There was chocolate and ice and milk flying everywhere.

Jungle Jane: Wait, how much of that are you putting in? What kind of cocoa is that? Did you do that last time? How much milk did you just pour in? This is madness! How do you people live like this!
So let's sum it up. You follow your gut. You add a glop. You let the kitchen spirits guide you. When Tapper cooks, she flies with no net.
That would sound so cool if I weren't talking about meatballs.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah and I'm still trying to make your "recipe" for the frozen cocoa. I think I keep forgetting a glop of something substituted for something else.