Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Proof that I am a horrible person!

I spent most of the day with my friend, the Lioness yesterday. (Picture a feisty, petite girl with lots of golden hair and a huge sense of humor and style. Got her? Good, let's continue.)
We brought up a very taboo subject that we share common views on: other people's children.
I will go to Hades for saying this because I really do believe that children are the essence of heaven and all that is right in the world. I think they are people with huge feelings and dreams every bit as real as my own. But.... some of my good friends have children whom I do not like.
Said it.

That felt like jumping into a nice lake of fire and brimstone.

I am so sorry, but not sorry enough to disagree with myself.
Some of them are so loud it sounds like they had bullhorns surgically implanted into their throats.
Some of them are rough and look like they could eat my children for a snack.
Some of them see my home as a challenge: How fast can I dismantle this place?
And some of them are great - just not my style. I can see why someone else would like them. They are just not my cup of cider.

Time for some disclaimers!!!
1. I know that people will feel the exact same way about my children. It's natural. Not everyone likes perfection.
(I'm totally joking! Come on, that was funny!)
2. I don't feel this way about all of my friends' children. There are actually a few adorable ones whose parents I sort of hope kick the bucket and will their delightful children to me. (Still joking.) And most of the children in my life I like perfectly well. I'm not hoping to steal them, nor do I dread being with them. They are sweet and my little buddies.

It takes a really special, special kiddo to make my undesirable list.
I have their little school pictures taped to a sheet of paper with labels underneath that say things like:
Urg, the Grunter
3'1", dark hair,
carries permanent markers
and is dangerous to all electronics.

Okay, no I don't. But it's all right here. (I'm pointing to my head, by the way)

So, I'm going to go now. I need to find a homeless leper that I can feed and nurse back to health to make up for this post.

Sorry, Urg.

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