Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Divorce Epidemic in Socks

We've got a problem. The way pairs split up nowadays is really troublesome.
We deal with it on a regular basis at our home.
In fact, the Artist and I calculated that we have about a 40% divorce rate around here.

It is almost epidemic. I think I'm a pretty dedicated homemaker but when a particularly expensive or new sock goes missing the Artist raises his eyebrows incredulously as if asking, "how could you let this happen?" What am I- the sock marriage counselor?
I have no idea! I don't know where they go. Is there an underground socks singles bar that I don't know about?

I just gathered up all of our single socks and we sat down in a very revealing counseling session.

So what is it?
Was it the softener?
Was the citrus - scented detergent just a little too much of a risk?
Were the athletic socks in the other drawer too much of a temptation?
Did you lose interest in each other during flip flop season when all your little toes left you?

I do the laundry every day. I am working on my sixth load today. Yes- six!
In fact, I'm going to give my readers a present. I have friends who think my home is pretty clean. What really happens is my rooms take turns being clean. My laundry room has been neglected and taken for granted for months. When I woke up this morning to do my six! loads of laundry it looked like this:Under that jumbled pile of junk are bags of Christmas decorations. Yep, Christmas. As in two months ago Christmas. So there. Tapper is a slob. It's like being an addict. I can fight it. I can even control it, but deep down, I will always be a slob.
So after neglecting my Dancer for the morning the laundry room now looks like this:

Ahhh. Now that is the Tapper I want to be. I just keep faking it and hoping it sticks.
And right now on top of my dryer is a bucket filled with single socks. They console each other.
They hold group meetings with titles like
"One Can Be Fun: Think of Sock Puppets"
"You can't control what goes on on the other foot"
"Just concentrate on keeping your toes warm" and
"When stockings come knocking: a guide to sock dating."
I have hope for all of them that they will find their special mates. In the meantime, we just keep putting one foot in front of the other.


  1. You are annoying me by saying that your laundry room looked messy. Please oh please give me a break! You must die a thousand deaths every time you come to my house and see the messes and then the mountainous piles. My basement is unusable right now because of all the Thanksgiving & Christmas bins, toys to be sorted, and a mound of clothes I again have to go through and give away or keep.

    I'll stay mum about my garage. Still.

    luvs, aby

  2. Ha this made me laugh out loud. Your socks need to come over here. Our divorce rate is less than 5%. We're amazing like that. :)

  3. You are so clever! Our rooms take turns too!