Thursday, July 7, 2011

Confessions! Up and Down

It has been so long since I did a confession and that is sort of the point of the blog. It's 20% what-the-heck-is-she-doing and 80% what-the-heck-is-she-thinking.
So, getting back to my roots, I'm answering today's question.

What gets you down?

Can I clarify that? Because the answer changes depending on when I am. (How's that for some fun English?)
Some days it feels like nothing can get me down. Extra load of laundry? Bring it on. Family drama? Child's play. Grumpy children? Watch my magic. Guests for dinner? I was born to host.
You know those days, right? I love those days!
But there are other days. There are days like yesterday when this misty, little cloud settles right on my shoulders and blurs everything. Makes everything feel a little colder and harder.
Do you know those days, too?
On days like that almost anything can send a tiny needle through my heart. Less like "slings and arrows" and more like stings and scratches. But continual ones.
The sting of feeling like I should be accomplishing more (that one makes me so restless) and the sting of realizing that very few things in this world stay right-side-up. Really bad things turn into mostly okay things. Good things turn into old-fashioned things. Bad people turn into adored people. Good people turn into foolish people. Days like yesterday I shouldn't turn on the news.
There are the lick-your-wounds days and the hide-your-head-in-the-sand days and the cry-it-all-out days.
And then there are the healing days. The ones where your shoulders feel just a bit lighter. The ones where your courage gets just a bit brighter. The days when your soul wakes up and is just a bit pluckier. A bit sassier. A bit more here. In the game.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned since being a child is to trust the cycle of all things. When you are young the bad is forever. The good is eternal. So when things change you faceplant a brick wall at 88 miles per hour. (Do you always say it like Christopher Lloyd in Back to the Future? 88 MILES PER HOUR!!! Ahem. Me, neither.)
Now the bad days tap me on the shoulder, give me a warning. I hear them shuffling up behind me. And I know they are short house guests. They will pack their bags of tears and move on.
So what gets me down?
Most of the miscellaneous in-between.
What keeps me down?
And the truth of that makes me feel a little better already.

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