Right down to the core of me I am so riddled with "quirks" (lets call all of my flaws "quirks") that I am like a swiss cheese of humanity.
And these "quirks" seem to blossom in the hot and humid air of summer.
The first two weeks without school almost did me in. I was trying to keep up my writing schedule with two giddy and active girls running circles around my rolling chair.
Which made me cranky.
Which made me irritable.
Which made me rude.
Which made me feel guilty.
Which made me feel worthless.
Which made me wish that I believed in drinking alcohol because I had quite a few days when I was wiping tears off my face and wishing I could saunter up to a bar and tell the keep to give me one straight.
In fact, the whole bottle.
I've never had a drop of alcohol, but trust me, a few days had me daydreaming...
So summer nearly turned me
from a functioning human being into a
whiskey-drowning bar hopper.
Luckily, I came up with a better plan.
I gave up.
I completely gave up on trying to to accomplish anything. Which felt awful. For three days.
And then it felt great. And then I couldn't remember why I was trying to fit in a career in the middle of being a homemaker, house manager, caretaker and business partner to my husband.
And I made a deal with my children.
We wake up, we clean up, we tidy up and when the house looks great (which only takes about half an hour) we are free to play.
Every day we go to the zoo or the movies or swimming or shopping or exploring and I can't for the life of me figure out why it was so hard to let go.
I'm grateful that when I cannot accomplish everything all at once, all the time, it doesn't matter.
The world didn't stop spinning through space.
The sun didn't stop slathering us with its fierce summer heat.
My career didn't fall apart when I left it to simmer on the back burner.
At least, I don't think so.
And if it did, if I can't stir it back up and get it going in six weeks when I have a few hours a day to work, then I'm glad my family doesn't attach my worth with what I publish.
And if it tanks and I feel sad, my family will take me to the zoo.
And buy me a ticket for the tram.
Double Score!
I know you keep saying how flawed you are, but I just have a hard time believing it. Sorry. :) I've learned this same thing over and over. I never end up regretting putting whatever it is on the back burner so I can just be with my boys and teach them and explore the world with them and play. But I also know I need to do other stuff I do, develop other talents for me other than just "mothering". So if you are feeling you need to mix up what's on the back burner real quick, give me a call and I'll play with your girls. My boys would love to entertain them :)
ReplyDeleteYay for finding the rainbow at the end of two awful weeks! I get a bit cranky too when I am trying to 'work' while the kids are trying to play. Good for you for letting go! And think of the fun summer your kids will have :)
ReplyDeleteI loved this. So many of my deadlines are self-imposed and sometimes I have to just give myself permission to change a deadline and enjoy the moment.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see you on the 10th.